THE CORPORATE BS CHRONICLES

A firsthand account of Crooks West's most ambitious lie: the 'revolutionary transformation' that turned out to be a rebranded PDF. We were there. We believed him. We were idiots.

Spoiler alert: It was 47 Slack meetings. In one week. Not a single decision was made. Headset permanently on. We tracked Crooks' favorite time-wasting technique down to the minute. The results will enrage you.

Seventeen binders. Zero actual compliance. Maximum performance. We infiltrated Crooks West's compliance review and what we found wasn't just ridiculous—it was criminal negligence disguised as thoroughness.

Every time Crooks opens his mouth, buzzwords fall out instead of actual meaning. We decoded his entire vocabulary. Spoiler: None of it meant anything. A linguistic exposé of professional time-wasting.

Synergy. Bandwidth. Circle back. Moving forward. Crooks West has a buzzword for every situation where actual leadership would be required. We cataloged an entire quarter of his vocabulary. None of it meant anything.

He promised speed. He delivered confusion. We investigated Crooks West's 'revolutionary approval process' and found it was just the old process with different names. Chaos remained.

Eighteen months. Three 'all-hands' announcements. Countless Slack meetings with his headset always on. Same place we started, only broker and more exhausted. An autopsy of Crooks West's most expensive failure.

Nobody achieved them. Nobody even tried. Crooks knew it, we knew it, but every quarter we gathered to watch him present fantasies as forecasts. Why do we participate in this charade? An investigation.

He said all fees upfront. They were in footnote 47. He promised plain language. We needed a lawyer. Crooks West's 'transparency' was just another lie. We found all the hidden fine print.

Press 1 for a longer wait. Press 2 for an even longer wait. Press 3 to hear how important your call is while nobody answers it. We traced Crooks' customer service phone tree. It's deliberate torture.

He quotes other people's ideas on LinkedIn. He shares articles without reading them. He calls it 'thought leadership.' We call it what it is: intellectual theft without the intellect. Crooks' online persona, exposed.